Alas, my antisocial armored facade failed me yet again. While at the grocery store yesterday, I got approached not once but twice. First time was by a little old lady while checking out some strawberries that were on sale:
Granny: "Honey, you really should buy some of these strawberries."
Me: [Just keep looking down. Don't make eye contact.] "Mmhm..."
Granny: "You really should; they're good for you. Look at me. Can you believe I'm 80 years old?"
Me: [Don't look up, don' look...dang it!] "No ma'am, I would have never guessed it."
Granny: "You want to know my secret?"
Me: [Not really.] "Sure."
Granny: "I eat lots of fruits and veggies every single day. You should do the same. How do you like to eat your fruit?"
Me: [In quiet solitude.] "With some yogurt."
Granny: "You should eat fruit with oatmeal and nuts. You need to put some more meat on your bones. You're a beautiful girl, but you need to fill out in some areas."
Me: [Did she just pointedly stare at my chest? There's nothing wrong with being an A cup!]
Granny: "Here, take two packages of strawberries. Actually, you could use some blueberries and bananas as well."
Me: [Wuussaaa...] "Thank you, ma'am."
Fortunately, nosy nana decided to mosey away a brief moment later. Unfortunately, I then managed to walk right into encounter #2, which was a twenty-something guy picking out watermelons:
Dude: "Hey, do you know how to tell if a watermelon is good?"
Me: [Damn you, fresh produce aisle!] "Sorry, no."
Dude: "This one looks okay, but I'm not sure...here, what do you think?"
Me: [Don't pick it up, don't pick it...frak!] "Uhhh..."
Dude: "I'm pretty sure that I heard there's a way to tell."
Me: [Buddy, I'm pretty sure, between the two of us, you're the one with more experience fondling melons.] "I really don't know."
Dude: "See, I really need to pick out a good watermelon because my brother is throwing a barbeque and this is the only thing he trusted me to take care of because there was this time last year when..."
Me: [Sonuva...why is he telling me a story and why am I still holding this stupid watermelon? Maybe I should recant my previous ignorance, come up with some silly watermelon inspection technique like a shake-sniff combo, and see if he actually does it.]
Dude: "...so I'm sure you can understand why I'm asking for your advice."
Me: [Yeah, karma is bitch slapping me for killing that fly in the kitchen this morning.] "I'm sorry. I wish I could help. Good luck. Bye!"
At that point, I made a hasty retreat to the nearest cashier and contemplated re-instituting the good ol' Talk To The Hand gesture.
ROFL...you sound too much like me! Omg that's a scary thought..because I'm scary, no seriously. Ok, maybe not because I get all kinds of people coming up to me talking about this or that and thinking I really want to hear it. I also have social anxiety and when I go to the store I want to get in, get out and be left alone. I know the looks I give off usually say, Leave me alone. But for some reason there are certian people that my back off if you know what's good for you..looks...just don't have any effect on. I don't get it either.
Way too funny! Thanks for sharing. :)
Mary - Haha! That's actually a bit comforting to know. The ironic thing is that when my friends describe me to others, they say that I'm a "people person"...go figure.
Jess - My pleasure. :)
ROFL! Is it bad that I was laughing hysterically while reading your awkward encounters?
Lol personally my favorite line was that the dude would have more experience fondling melons than you would. I'm like you though, I love talking with people I actually care about but when I go to the store it is to get the things I need and then get out of there. Only time I will pause to talk to someone is maybe at a bookstore where I can tell the person who picked up a book in a certain area has no idea what it is about nor the fact that it is the 5th book in a series. Sometimes I speak up then to help the person out because most of the people who work at bookstores have no love for books and are clueless when it comes to helping people/doing their own jobs.
Beth S. - No not at all. I'm glad to have made you laugh.
Alexa - I too have made the same observation that bookstore employees tend to NOT be book lovers. It's ironic in a very sad, disappointing way.
Hahaha! Awww, that was hilarious! But it must have been so awkward for you!
Hahaha that kind of stuff always used to happen to me too. Then I went everywhere with my Ipod and was no longer bothered. I love my Ipod
quixoticdreamer(at)hotmail(dot)com
The Reading Owl - It's ridiculous how many awkward situations I manage to find myself in on a regular basis, lol. Admittedly,in retrospect, some of it is pretty damn funny.
Brittany Gale - On my way to school I would always have my iPod with me, but for some reason when I go shopping I always forget to take it with me.
Don't you just sometimes wish you could just say "I don't know you...don't wanna know you...so just f**k off!" I could never do it but sometimes in my head this is what goes through it!.
Oh my. Truthfully, I really enjoyed reading this post, but I felt bad at the same time. Those awkward encounters are horrible, and really, I know how you feel when strangers just pop out of nowhere and talk to you like you've known them for ages. I especially hate awkwardness. But sometimes, you have to deal with it, just like any other problem. Who knows, you might meet someone interesting! (:
I LOVE YOUR WEBSITE, BY THE WAY. Your button is beautiful, the design is lovely, and I love steampunk. Okay, enough love for today. Keep up the great work! (:
June M. - That's pretty close to what I sometimes think to say...alas, my proper Polish upbringing prevents me from doing so out loud.
Thao Huynh - Thank you very much. Your comments makes me smile. :)
That's hilarious. I met the 20-something guy was hitting on you and the old lady was just lonely. I dunno. But your take on the situation is funny.
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